Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: anxiety, bruch, depression, j.s. bach, orchestra, partita no. 3 in e major
Hey everyone 
Sorry I haven’t posted in a while. It’s been a rough time with anxiety and possibly depression, so I’ve just been sleeping, practicing, and working at the movie theater most of the time.
Updates: I’m trying out for two youth orchestras this year; a new one, and the one I’ve been a part of since 8th grade. I wanted the old one as a back up, even though I’m pretty sure I’ll get into the new one. I’m playing the first movement of Bruch and Bach partita no. 3 in E major; both things I’ve been working on for a while now. I’m still nervous, but I have to stop thinking like that.
That’s pretty much it. I don’t know if I’ll be posting much, but I’ll try to at least make some small posts that explain what’s going on every so often.
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: a minor, b, flat, g string, music joke, natural, sharp
Eric sent me a bumper sticker on Facebook that looks like this mug. I can’t believe I’ve never heard this before!
Cute ^_^ I want one!
Eric also told me this joke:
“I broke my G string while I was fingering A minor.”
….O__O. Never heard that one before, either.
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: bassoon, camp, oboe, violin, wind instruments
I FINALLY got to play in the master class. That’s the thing at my camp where a professional musician comes and listens to some of the chamber groups play and gives them each advice.
It was all right. I can’t say it was incredibly helpful, but it’s always nice to hear from a professional. We played all right, too. We were really at our best on Friday. The weekend messed us up xD I really think we should just have camp on the weekends. I mean it’s summer, come on.
The group that played after us was AMAZING. It was a bassoon-oboe duet. I’ll have to find out what the piece was called so I can post it. Those two kids are so amazing. I tried to play clarinet once, and I couldn’t even get a sound out of it. They both had beautiful tone. I wonder what it would be like to play a wind instrument. I would imagine it’s incredibly hard to learn how to control the tone, but once you get the hang of it, it’s probably easier to put a little spin on notes. I don’t know. I just think it’s easier to use your breath for that kind of thing than a bow.
Not that I could do it xD Kudos to all you wind players out there.
I didn’t get to hear the last group because Carly was having cramps :( I didn’t mind not sitting through another group, though. No offense to them.
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: mendelssohn, violin, chamber music, viola, cello, quartet, canzonetta, e flat major, opus 12
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: alexander technique, cello, chamber music, frederick matthias alexander, muscle tension, performance anxiety, piano, stage fright, violin
6th day of CMC
Today the Alexander technique lady came to help our trio.
For those of you who don’t know what the Alexander technique, READ:
The Alexander technique was created by Frederick Matthias Alexander. He was an actor. Whenever he performed, he would lose his voice. Obviously this wasn’t too wonderful for him, so he started paying careful attention to what he did when he spoke during a performance. He found out that he was doing something with his muscles that was harming his voice. Sooo he pretty much found ways to relax and move the body so that muscle tension goes away. So that you don’t hurt yourself, and so that you can perform to the best of your abilities.
So yeah, in case you hadn’t already figured this out, the “teaching,” of this method involves somebody handling you XD I volunteered to go first because Jay is shy, and Eric is STUBBORN. And I’m just all cute and eager and whatnot, so I figured “What the hell?” I sort of remembered doing it during my first year. Anyway, it was slightly weird. Eric kept making weird faces and it was REALLY hard not to laugh because this woman was holding my arms, moving my head, shaking my legs, etc. But yeah, after we went through that whole process, I loosened up A LOT. I had a lot of tension in my shoulders. That’s common in violinists, I guess. But just getting rid of that tension really loosened up the fingers on my left hand, which made it eight billion times easier to play sixteenth notes.
I didn’t see much of a change in Jay. He was reluctant to go along with it. She mentioned to him that he had A LOT of tension and that he would really benefit from Alexander technique. He didn’t like that so much, but she’s probably right. It would probably help him with more than just piano. It might help his mood. He always looks… angry, almost? And scrunched up and solitary and really stuck in his own thoughts. Eric, on the other hand, had a HUGE change. He’s talented as it is, but his sound was just GORGEOUS after he went through that whole thing. It might have something to do with the fact that the sound of a cello is deep and smooth, whereas violin and piano are both kind of brisk and sharp. The woman also took the shortest amount of time with him. She took the longest with Jay, and right in the middle with me. It’s interesting because Jay is most definitely the most tense and Eric is undoubtedly the least tense.
So now whenever I play I try to get that relaxed feeling back into my body. She was talking about the word, “kinesthetic,” and how it had to do with body awareness. Well, having that awareness really helped me focus and stay calm. Possible performance-anxiety-curbing tool? My teacher was just talking about that yesterday. I mean being aware of my body so I can learn how to let go and have an awareness of what I’m doing instead of freaking out that I’m going to shake like crazy. She suggested yoga. I’ll have to look into that.
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: violin, chamber music, sheet music, blue rondo, dave brubeck, journaling, practice, anxiety, quartet, lesson, itzhak perlman
I just got home a little while ago from my lesson.
It actually went pretty well! The journaling helped a lot.
Lately I’ve been going into my lessons with such anxiety. I dread them. I used to get excited about getting help and moving on in the music. Now I just get scared that I’m going to mess up or break down again. Which is ridiculous, because it’s just a lesson. Still. Today I kind of realized that everything is fine :p I need to give myself more credit for what I’ve done over the course of the week.
Hah, I also mentioned the stuff about performance anxiety to Amy. She said I should play for my friends and stuff. She was telling me that my mindset had to be like, “It’s just notes. Just do it. I don’t care if Alissa [the girl who had a lesson next] is in the room. I don’t care if Perlman is standing right there.”
…I would care if Perlman were right there XD
My 6th day of CMC is tomorrow. I’m trying to get my hands on that Blue Rondo string quartet sheet music before CMC ends. Nngh o__o”
By the way, A SUPER-FAMOUS MUSICIAN lives in my town, and I JUST found out this afternoon on the way home from Amy’s. Ew, stalkers. Anyway, my dad was all “oh, yeah, he did some performance at the library and everything.” And I JUST realized that we have a room in the library named after him. Whaaaaat?!
So yeah, I’m definitely going to keep an eye out for this guy’s events in town. Jeeeez, why didn’t I know this BEFORE he performed in the spring?! *sigh*
P.S. Please don’t stalk me. Please…?
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: mozart, music theory, amadeus, movie, dominant 7th, chords
(yesterday)
Okay… The first three days of theory were REALLY easy, but now it’s getting weird.
I do NOT understand the notation for the dominant 7th chords. I understand what letters I’m supposed to put on top. I also understand the Roman numerals, but I don’t get how to place the numbers next to the Roman numerals. Whenever I think I’ve got it, I’m wrong :<
Maybe I’m gonna have to look it up :p
By the way, if you haven’t seen the movie “Amadeus,” you have to go watch now. ( :
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: violin, performance anxiety, stage fright, solo, audition, nerves
4th day at CMC (yesterday)
The topic of this post is stage fright.
I signed up for the solo recital because I’m a moron. I thought it would be helpful for me to perform the first couple pages of Bruch so I could practice playing it in front of people. I was all excited to show off, and then I got up there and I just fell apart. I shook like crazy and I couldn’t control my hands.
You might want to tell me that you shake, too, or that you understand perfectly. I’m sure you do shake a bit, and I’m definitely sure that you understand to an extent. Almost everyone has performance anxiety at one point in his or her life. But, chances are, you don’t freak out as much as I do. I am one of the biggest anxious wrecks you’ll ever meet. I could barely stand because my knees were spazzing out and I had to close my eyes because I felt like I would puke/faint if I didn’t. It seriously gets to the point where it’s physically painful to stand there and play.
Anyway, this has been going on for a while, so I wanted to perform so I could try to figure out how to master those nerves. I thought I was getting better! The last time I had an audition was for Western Regionals, and I successfully made it in and I didn’t shake that much at all. But this time I just messed it all up, and now I feel worse than ever. It’s terrible; I’m not even nervous about messing up! I’m nervous about getting nervous. How retarded is that?! I’m just afraid that I won’t be able to get it under control by the time college auditions come around. It’d be one thing not to get in because I don’t have the talent. It’d be another not to get in because I sound like CRAP because I can’t control my movements.
I’ve gotten tips and coping ideas from billions of people. My friend Gabrielle from orchestra told me at Regionals that she sits in lotus position and closes her eyes. I actually ended up trying that, and the audition went well. My teacher and Evan both told me to actually get angry. My teacher always tells me I need to stop being afraid and I have to be a fighter when it comes to things that I want. That’s difficult for me; I’ve never been one to “fight,” in any situation. The way Evan put it was that I shouldn’t see the stage fright as something that can take over me, and that I have to get mad at it and push it away.
I don’t know : / I will try the angry thing next time. I also have to sort out some other problems I have with self-consciousness and irrational fears.
I’d appreciate it if, whoever you are (friend, stranger, ANYONE), if you would leave some comments about suggestions on how to deal with said anxiety. Thanks
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: chamber music, viola, cello, basketball, knockout, ensemble
3rd day of CMC.
SARA IS HERE!! I can’t say much about her. I didn’t meet her until the very end of the day when we had secondary groups. Like most violists I’ve met, she holds back a lot. But she seems to know what she’s doing, so I’m happy. She followed along just fine, and she never screwed us up, so yeah. PHEW.
Today we got to switch coaches. The lady we got is a violinist, so she really picked on me :p But I don’t mind. Being picked on = getting special attention from a pro = improving. When the other group that was with her played, she asked my opinion and Eric’s opinion of how they played. Of course she TOTALLY ignored Jay. Poor guy. He probably feels kinda invisible. But anyway, she said we were very good. “Almost ready to perform,” actually.
I think not.
Though it was a lot better today. We’re starting to feel like an ensemble. Plus Jay has mad pages, and he finally got them in order. Rita taped them up for him so now it’s easier to turn the pages, which has resulted in the entire piece finally coming together.
At lunch today, we played Knockout xD It’s a game with two basketballs and a hoop. Everyone stands in a line. The first two people in line get basketballs. The first person shoots. He or she either:
Gets it in, in which case he or she gives the ball to the 3rd person in line,
OR
Doesn’t make it, in which case the second person in line can try to shoot. If he or she gets it in, the person who was first in line gets out. The person who got out hands his/her ball to the next person without a ball and goes to stand to the side. He/she can only get back in if the person who got him/her out gets out.
If neither person gets it in on their first tries, they just keep going and trying to get it in until someone gets it in.
Basically, I sucked at this game xD Eric, Carly, and Alicia were just LETTING me shoot when they were behind me because they felt bad that I was getting my ass kicked. Carly was beastly at it, though. She plays basketball. She’s tall -_- Unlike me. Still, it was really fun. I never did that stuff as a kid. I avoided group sporty-games like dodge ball, kickball, etc. But this was fun It felt good to run around and be part of it.
All right… Until tomorrow
P.S. Cellos are not for eating.
